Mary- I really liked this one, i think it could have gone in the Index this week, since it was strapped for articles. For people that frequent the joint, it was right on target, it completely displayed exactly what Munchie is all about: booze and cigarettes and munchie food, and people under the influence of booze, weed, cigarettes, and anger. I really like the workers versus patrons attitude even though it was sad that there was no infamous bat. The metal, the drunk asses you got to witness, the quotes are really good and well placed. I feel like the only downside would be for readers that are not familiar with the place, or have as an emotional tie with it as i do, they might not get it completely, but I don't know how you'd fix it.
Maureen- I'm glad you let me know that my neighbor is such a drag. Just kidding, the most interesting characteristic about her I thought was her intense agoraphobia. I think you could do more on just how a college campus alone could conflict with this issue of hers. Also more on Crystal ball would be good, you might want to give a little background in that regard, the guys in dresses are funny but for outsiders it might be a little confusing. You could also talk more about why she came here and the few people she has made friends with.
Camilo- This lady is really cool, it's weird finding out that people you see everyday have such a distinguish history. There's some gramatical issues, but it's pretty tight overall. If she has more conflicts you could throw in there it might spice it up a little. Like why is she a priest of all things, or stories from hospice, or her husband's death, her son worrying about her while abroad. You've got a lot of opportunities in there just don't be afraid to ask difficult questions.
Joseph- This is a really cool profile of a really cool dude and I'm sorry to hear you say that he has since fallen on rough times. I think the title is too close to the Frank Sinatra article but that is an easy change. I'm also not sure there's a place for you as a character in it, when you reveal your attitudes about the band and him, it starts sounding reviewy, plus you obviously have somewhat of a man-crush on this dude, so I think too much praise is a bad thing, let us figure it out for ourselves you know? The rock addictions are really cool, I think if you go back to those it might help unify this bitch a little.
Emily- Your intro is really good and descriptive, the descriptions of her speech patterns and gesticulations are well worded and picture painting. But all the description overshadows some of the action, which is a problem I had too, people are doing stuff, but you spend so much time describing it that you run out of space for actual movement you know? Cool lady though.
Lindsey- I like your language and word choice a lot and the quotes are pertinent and flowingly placed. I think it's a really good piece, only I think it's a really good review, or even a really good advertisement. You're writing chops are apparent, there's just no conflict. Maybe some of the bands are having trouble or more on the outdoor liquor fiasco?
Marni- This is a really accurate profile of exchange students. I just did a documentary film on a CHinese dude and he is overworking hardcore as well. I like Omari's quote and the bowing kicker quote, I think you could have done a little more with the culture clash, just a little more conflict I believe.
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